Question

In the early months of 2010, Apple and Adobe, two of the largest computer companies, engaged in a high-profile dispute. Adobe officials complained publicly that Apple was not allowing one of Adobe's most successful products, Flash to run Apple's new Ipad. They even accused Apple of attempting to monopolize the market and engaging in noncompetitive practices. Apple officials claimed that Flash was outdated. In April, Steve Jobs, wrote a long statement defending Apple's actions. Read the message at www.apple.com/hotnews/thoughts-on-flash/.

analyze this message for ease of reading in the following ways:

A. Identify the revise five sentences that are not complete

B. Identify the revise five sentences that are not concise.

C. Identify the revise five sentences that are not natural.

Answer 1

A. Identify the revise five sentences that are not complete

1. Add to this video from Vimeo, Netflix, Facebook, ABC, CBS, CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, ESPN, NPR, Time, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Sports Illustrated, People, National Geographic, and many, many others.
   Revised- Add to this the videos from imeo, Netflix, Facebook, ABC, CBS, CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, ESPN, NPR, Time, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Sports Illustrated, People, National Geographic, and many, many others- all of which work on Apple devices.
2. Fifth, there’s Touch.
   Revised- Fifth, there is the touch user experience.
3. We have discussed the downsides of using Flash to play video and interactive content from websites, but Adobe also wants developers to adopt Flash to create apps that run on our mobile devices.
   Revised- We have discussed the downsides of using Flash to play video and interactive content from websites, but we have not talked about the fact that Adobe also wants developers to adopt Flash to create apps that run on our mobile devices.
4. It is not Adobe’s goal to help developers write the best iPhone, iPod and iPad apps. It is their goal to help developers write cross platform apps.
   Revised- It is not Adobe’s goal to help developers write the best iPhone, iPod and iPad apps, rather their goal is to help developers write cross platform apps.
5. Everyone wins – we sell more devices because we have the best apps, developers reach a wider and wider audience and customer base, and users are continually delighted by the best and broadest selection of apps on any platform.
   Revised- This way- everyone wins as we sell more devices because we have the best apps, developers reach a wider and wider audience and customer base and users are continually delighted by the best and broadest selection of apps on any platform.

B. Identify the revise five sentences that are not concise.

1. Today the two companies still work together to serve their joint creative customers – Mac users buy around half of Adobe’s Creative Suite products – but beyond that there are few joint interests.
   Revised- Today the two companies still work together to serve their joint creative customers – Mac users buy around half of Adobe’s Creative Suite products..
2. What they don’t say is that almost all this video is also available in a more modern format, H.264, and viewable on iPhones, iPods and iPads.
   Revised- What they don’t say is that almost all this video is also available in a more modern format, H.264, which is playable on all our devices.
3. YouTube, with an estimated 40% of the web’s video, shines in an app bundled on all Apple mobile devices, with the iPad offering perhaps the best YouTube discovery and viewing experience ever.
   Revised- Youtube, which has 40% video share on the internet- works exceedingly well on Apple devices.
4. We have routinely asked Adobe to show us Flash performing well on a mobile device, any mobile device, for a few years now.
   Revised- For years we have been consistently asking Adobe to show us flash running well on any mobile device.
5. Adobe publicly said that Flash would ship on a smartphone in early 2009, then the second half of 2009, then the first half of 2010, and now they say the second half of 2010.
   After announcing Flash availability on smartphones for 2009, flash has continuously delayed it and now its slated for second half of 2010.

C. Identify the revise five sentences that are not natural.

1. First, there’s “Open”.
   Revised- First, there is the 'open' ecosystem.
2. They are only available from Adobe, and Adobe has sole authority as to their future enhancement, pricing, etc.
   Revised- They are only available from Adobe and they are the sole authority regarding its future enhancement, pricing etc.
3. For example, Apple began with a small open source project and created WebKit, a complete open-source HTML5 rendering engine that is the heart of the Safari web browser used in all our products.
   Revised- For example, Apple started a small open source projected called WebKit- a complete open-source HTML5 rendering engine that is the heart of the Safari web browser.
4. What they don’t say is that almost all this video is also available in a more modern format, H.264, and viewable on iPhones, iPods and iPads.
   Revised- What they don’t say is that almost all these videos are also available in a more modern format- H.264, and are viewable on all our devices.
5. We have been working with Adobe to fix these problems, but they have persisted for several years now.
   Revised- We have been working with Adobe to fix these problems, but they have not been able to solve these for years now.