Question

Satir believed that "the way people communicate in their family reflects the way they feel about themselves." List and describe her four communication styles. Which do you find yourself using under stress or in specific relationships?

Answer 1

Virginia Satir was considered the "mother of family therapy". She believed that the kind of communication that takes place in a family setting, defines the feelings an individual has about themselves. There are certain communication styles that we all adopt while expressing our thoughts, feelings to our family members. These can also often lead to conflicts as well as serve as a catalyst in solving them. The communication styles include-

1. Blaming - While blaming an individual often tries and finds fault in the behavior of the other person. There is no acceptance shown or responsibility taken for one's own behavior. The Blamer is often scared of isolation and tries to act complacent and tough. In this scenario, a conflict often stems from the blamer.

2. Placater - This individual often has a hard time in being assertive. They try to avoid conflict. Also known to please people, a lot of emphasis is placed on how others are likely to perceive them.

3. Computer - This kind of behavior often involves only doing what is very ethical and correct. While computing, no emotions are shown. This in the long run leads to feelings of vulnerability. The individual appears as cold or someone lacking emotions. The individual also tries to hide behind a mask wherein they appear rational on the outside, but on the inside they are filled with complex feelings.

4. Distractor - A distractor usually is an attention seeking individual. They try to hide their feelings of alienation by trying to be the center of attention. They may even use emotions ranging from anger to guilt to try and manipulate the feelings of others.

5. Leveler - A leveler is an assertive person who tries to balance his/her relations with others. By being assertive, they try to solve problems by coming to a mutual understanding. They have a high self-esteem and they ensure that their gestures, tone, words, facial expressions all are in sync with each other while communicating.

The mode of communication which I feel I use the most in stressful situations/ with people who I have high regard for is that of Leveling. However intense a situation may be, I try not to lose my cool. My stances are very balanced and I try not to jump to any sort of conclusions. I also always try to put my point across without hurting the sentiments of the other person. Another technique which I often adopt is that I try to reach a win-win situation. I try to understand the view point and empathize with the other person and ensure that I have the best interest of the other person in mind. This way harmony is maintained and everyone is satisfied.