Question

Subject: Psychology of Human sexuality

List the positive and negative effects of sexual fantasy; discuss male and female fantasy similarities and differences; explain how fantasy is separate from actual behavior; and how fantasy may be used to enhance intimate relationships. Where should draw the line with fantasy?

make sure you attatch refernce site too please

Answer 1

The Positive effects of sexual fantasy are as follows-

• Positive self-regard as one feels good about oneself.
• help us create and maintain idealized versions of our partners where one knows what they want and desire.
• Boosts self-worth as an individual could explore his sexual fantasy the way the individual wants, which makes the individual feel as empowered.
• Freedom to choose and control one's sexual pleasure.

Negative effects of sexual fantasy are as follows-

• It's linked to guilt and shame as if one has done something wrong and cannot talk about it because of the stereotypical mindset the society holds. For example, A man who self-identifies himself as straight, and has a hypermasculine persona, routinely engages in sex with men. In order to avoid shame and guilt, this guy views his actions as “getting off,” akin to masturbation, rather than as sexual intimacy the man encounters with men he desires.
• Unrealistic optimism and hope- as the individual builds high hopes from his fantasy world and wants everything to be happy and joyful, just like the individual imagined (which is not true in the real world).
• Objectifying partner is also one of the prominent cons faced as an aftermath of sexual fantasy. Due to exceedingly high expectations from the partner, the individual starts objectifying their partner and others which could further lead to offensive remarks, which would, in the end, hurt the partner.

Sexual fantasies have both pros and cons, as it could empower an individual but also make the individual volatile and aggressive at the same time, which could make an individual take up unethical/wrong steps in order to gain pleasure/satisfaction with the partner sexually.

Thus, one must seek a balance between the pros and cons. Fantasies are made in an unrealistic bubble wrap, whereas real life is completely different and the actual behavior is different in the real world. Hence an individual should know that sexual fantasies are not bad, but at the same time, an individual should be aware that real world is different than a fantasy wrap bubble (where the focus on just self-satisfaction and pleasure) and one needs to take in consideration of its partner's needs, desires, and motives. Therefore, one needs to know where to draw the line with respect to fantasy and the real world

Male and female fantasy similarities and differences according to Dr. Justin Lehmiller who did research on 4175 Americans sex fantasy and found the following similarities and differences-

similarities -

• 95% of men and 87% female reported sex fantasies
• 96% of women and 93% of men reported BDSM fantasies
• Both significantly reported to have romance fantasies as well
• Fantasies were significantly reported higher with their current partners

Differences

• Females reported having higher fantasies with the same sex than men.
• Women cared about the location for the intimacy than men did.
• Women linked themselves as an object of desire more than men
• Men reported significantly higher on cross-dressing and gender reversal fantasies than women
• Men were also seen more likely to fantasize more about taboo sex acts

Therefore, it can be concluded that even though there are differences yet similarities in sexual fantasies of both males and females. An individual should respect the boundaries, feelings, motives, desires of its partner and help facilitate and grow their sexual intimacy more stronger and deeper by being aware of each other's sexual fantasies in order to come to an open and comfortable middle ground.

The material used for the answers are -

- Dr. Justin Lehmiller research on Americans, which he also published in his book "Tell me what you want"

- Laura Berke, Developmental Psychology textbook

Few links used were :

- http://sunnymegatron.com/justin-lehmiller-sexual-fantasy-podcast/

- https://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2018/11/2/similarities-and-differences-in-mens-and-womens-sex-fantasies

- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/contemporary-psychoanalysis-in-action/201305/erotic-fantasies-the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly

-https://www.nytimes.com/1996/07/28/nyregion/the-good-and-bad-of-indulging-in-fantasy-and-daydreaming.html

- Research done by Cheryl A. Renaud and E. Sandra Byers on Positive and Negative Sexual Cognitions: Subjective Experience and Relationships to Sexual Adjustment, published in the Journal of Sex Research in Volume 3, 2001

NOTE: I hope this answers your questions, in case you have a doubt or want to seek clarity on some point. Please feel free to reach out.

Regards,

Ruhi