Question

Revise the following message so that it is more logically ordered. You may also discover that...

Revise the following message so that it is more logically ordered. You may also discover that some of the content is irrelevant and thus can be eliminated, and that the message is missing some critical information that needs to be added to fulfill the customer’s request.

Patricia Williams

Director of Customer Service

Flash Software, Inc.

8403 Kentucky Avenue

Cincinnati, OH 55003

Dear Ms. Williams:

I recently purchased your new accounting software at Big Box Office Products. When I got the product home, I was unable to install the product on my Apple brand computer. I am a small business owner and think that your product will be very helpful to me in improving my productivity and potentially my company’s profits.

I returned the product to Big Box to get a refund or to exchange the product for one that might work on my computer. The manager told me that he could not make the exchange but that I should contact, you, the maker, with my request.

Can you help me? I have enclosed the product with my letter.

Sincerely,

Tim Jeffreys

902 Oak Street

St. Louis, MI 60042

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Patricia Williams

Director of Customer Service

Flash Software, Inc.

8403 Kentucky Avenue

Cincinnati, OH 55003

Dear Ms. Williams:

I recently purchased your new accounting software at Big Box Office Products. When I got the product home, I was unable to install the product on my Apple computer. I am a small business owner and bought your product thinking that it will be very helpful to me in improving my productivity and potentially my company’s profits.

I returned the product to Big Box to get a refund or to exchange the product for one that might work on my computer. The manager told me that he could not make the exchange but that I should contact, you, the maker, with my request.

I kindly request you to help me with the issue, either help me in the installation of the accounting software or exchange the software or process the refund. I have enclosed the product with my letter.

Sincerely,

Tim Jeffreys

902 Oak Street

St. Louis, MI 60042

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