Question

Interpersonal Communication - Chapter 9 Everyday Skills

Build your communication skills further by completing the following activities here or online.

1.         Understanding Your Conflict Script

What conflict script did you learn in your family? Think back to your childhood and adolescence and try to remember rules for conflict that your family modeled implicitly and principles of conflict that your family explicitly endorsed.

•          Did people disagree openly with each other?

•         What was said when disagreements surfaced? Did your parents suggest that it was rude to argue? Did they encourage open discussion of differences? Were there any “rules” for how to argue?

•          What happened if disagreements were dealt with directly? Was the conflict resolved? What was the climate in the family like after the conflict?

•          How do you currently reflect your family’s conflict script? Now that you can edit family scripts and author your own, how would you like to deal with conflict?

2.         Identifying Games in Your Communication

Apply what you’ve read about covert conflict to your own life. Describe an instance when you or someone you have a relationship with played each of the following games. What was accomplished by playing each game? Were the real conflicts addressed?

Blemish ______________________

NIGYYSOB ______________________

Mine Is Worse Than Yours ______________________

Yes, But _____________________

Answer 1

1. Understanding Your Conflict Script

What conflict script did you learn in your family? Think back to your childhood and adolescence and try to remember rules for conflict that your family modeled implicitly and principles of conflict that your family explicitly endorsed.

My family comprised of parents and grandparents. I was the one child. Hence, subjected to all instruction! Anyway, each of them had different mechanisms or methods to handle conflicts. Yet they all followed a common tactic, take a step back, analyze the situation and then decide on how to resolve the conflict and arrive at a win-win situation. But, as the youngest of all, the most frequent action I would exhibit in such situation, would be to simply keep quiet.

•          Did people disagree openly with each other? No. Relationship was given more importance than proving one's point.

•         What was said when disagreements surfaced? - harsh words and demotivating statements were said in such a scenario

Did your parents suggest that it was rude to argue? - yes. they would often scold me for encouraging the other person to become so aggressive.

Did they encourage open discussion of differences? No they would tell me to compromise if they were guests or elders, or anyone for that case.

Were there any “rules” for how to argue? Not to use abusive language and state only that which can be proved. Not to hold grudges against the opponent and give equal opportunity to everyone to prove his/her side.

•          What happened if disagreements were dealt with directly? They were aggressive and disturbing the ambience.

Was the conflict resolved? Sometimes it may be resolved, sometimes not.

What was the climate in the family like after the conflict? Disturbed and unrest. Every individual of the family would be exhausted and revisiting the entire event. Regretting saying or not saying the words they said or didn't say.

2. Playing games to resolve conflicts may resolve the issue temporarily. But, the problem will re-surface in the near or distant future. Games can be used to resolve meaningless or non-emotional conflicts such as which team is going to win? Or which color should be applied to the walls? But, if one were to resolve much serious conflicts such as conflicts which cause ego clashes or hurt someone,'s feelings, require more strategic resolution.